Podcast Episode 228 - 5 Questions to Take You From Fear to Freedom - Question 2 - What Is Fear Telling You
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Have you ever been going along and felt your chest tighten or your gut tied in knots and wasn’t sure why?
Do you feel like there’s an invisible wall holding you back from what God’s called you to do?
What is fear really trying to tell you?
It’s a great question. What is fear trying to tell you? That’s the question we’re tackling today.
Today is for you if…
If you’ve ever tried to do something you really wanted to do but never seemed to do it.
If you’re stuck in overthinking, feeling or overacting but getting nowhere fast.
If you’re ready to stop and listen to your fear so you can get it working for you instead of against you.
In the last episode, we unpacked Question 1 of the five questions that will take you from fear to freedom. We answered What is fear?
Here’s a quick refresher:
Fear = a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
Two kinds of fear:
1. Impending Danger
“The clown chasing you with a chainsaw; you need to run.”
2. Imagined Danger
“You think a clown is going to chase you with a chainsaw; so you need to run now.”
Or “You’re scared that when you try that new thing you’ll fail and that scares you.”
We also broke down how fear operates, and you dove into how fear shows up for you.
Please take a moment and think about something you’ve wanted to accomplish for some time but haven’t done it yet. Maybe it is to write a book, learn a new language, declutter your home, change careers, or get a different job.
Now why aren’t you doing it?
You’re in fear.
Fear is sneaky because, on the surface, you might think, “I’m not afraid to declutter my house!”
Where you see resistance, fear is lurking.
That resistance, that procrastination, is really fear.
Where Is the Alarm In Your Body?
God gave your body a built-in alarm system to let you know you’re in fear.
Become aware of being aware. If we’re not aware, the resistance will keep holding up back.
Where’s the alarm in your body? Name it.
Stomach
Chest
Shoulders
Neck tightening
Legs hurt
Listen to the alarm in your body. That’s when you’re in fear.
It also shows ups:
Overthinking - the mind thinks of every scenario or every issue, stopping you from acting.
Overfeeling - feelings dictate what you do and don’t do.
Overacting - doing a bunch of stuff but not the right stuff.
Fear’s job is to try and keep you safe.
“Fear is both the cause and effect of the feelings, thoughts, or actions that prohibit you from accepting yourself and realizing your full potential.
It stands between you and your ability to go anywhere you like, do anything you want and meet anyone you please. To help you stay safe, fear motivates you to hide your essential nature but thwarts your ability to express yourself truthfully.” ––Rhonda Britten, Life Coach
So our subconscious will try and keep us from being vulnerable and trying or trying again.
You must listen to what you’re fearing. What is fear trying to tell you?
Identify what you can learn from it.
In her book Clean Up Your Mental Mess, Dr. Caroline Leaf says, “We think, we feel, we choose.”
Everything we experience currently all started with a thought.
Fear is telling us what we’re thinking about.
I’ve dealt with fear all my life. In the 4th grade, fear showed up for me as hiding.
My parents separated, and our perfect little Christian family blew apart. I saw my mom and all the pain she was experiencing and made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t add to her pain. So at that moment, I started hiding. I hid what I felt. I hid my needs, I hid my opinions, and I hid my big, loud personality.
Through their separation, my fear taught me conflict equals disconnection. If I hid, I wouldn’t create conflict; if I didn’t, everything would be alright.
But it wasn’t alright. My fear of conflict caused me to fear showing up as my authentic self. That led me to a failed first marriage, shallow friendships and a mediocre career. My fear eventually led to a string of fainting episodes causing me to shrink back and play small…again.
Remember, fear told me conflict equals disconnection, so showing up as your authentic self is unsafe.
I want you to discover what fear is trying to tell you. When you unmask fear for what it is, you can create a plan to move forward.
Stop and listen. What is your fear telling you?
Remember, these fears are imagined dangers. I imagined a clown might chase me with a chainsaw if I showed up as my nerdy, loud self and snatch my friends and family leaving me alone. That fear held me back. But what happened when I showed up fully myself is I found my true friends.
Your fears, and your imaginary safety, are holding you back.
Here’s Your Homework:
Listen to the alarm in your body. That’s when you’re in fear.
Ask, What is fear trying to tell me? What’s really going on?
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