Podcast Episode 105 - Lengthening the Pause–discover your #1 skill for growth and freedom
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Have you ever been blindsided or surprised by unexpected information, and it triggered you?
Are you triggered by rudeness or others' lack of follow-through?
Do you hate no-win situations or others' lack of follow-through, and it triggers you?
If you can't tell, we're talking about triggers today.
Today is for you:
If you're tired of reacting in some unhealthy way.
If you're ready to do what's necessary to strip off old habits that aren't serving you.
If you want to grow into your best self so you can live your best life.
Triggers are pre-conditioned behavior brought on by an external event, experience or person that activates your blindspot and causes you to protect your idealized self. Your idealized self is what you want people to believe about us…and that isn't always a good thing.
Watch episode 104 (How to uncover the hidden parts of yourself holding you back) to learn more about the idealized self and blindspots.
We all react differently when we're triggered…we might get defensive, run & hide, pout, lash out, be passive-aggressive, fear, etc.
I'm going to share triggers through the lens of the Enneagram. Now you don't need to know your Enneagram type to see your trigger. Just look for the ones that make you go…ugh, yuck or oh, man, that's me.
Type: 1 - Strict Perfectionist or Improver
Trigger:
Being criticized
Non-collaborative changes to a plan
Another lack of timeliness
Type: 2 - Considerate Helper
Trigger:
Being taken for granted
Not being heard
Another being treated in an abusive manner
Being excluded
Type: 3 - Competitive Achiever
Trigger:
Being set up for failure
Not looking good professionally
Being blamed for the poor work of others
Not receiving credit for their work
Type: 4 - Intense Creative
Trigger:
Being ignored or slighted
Being asked to do something contrary to their values
An event that elicits their envy
Type: 5 - Quiet Specialist or Investigator
Trigger:
Being overwhelmed or surprised
Private information being shared
Dishonesty or false information
Being prompted for an instant emotional response
Type: 6 - Loyal Sceptic
Trigger:
Being under external pressure
Another's lack of genuineness
Another's lack of commitment
Abusive use of authority
Type: 7 - Enthusiastic Visionary
Trigger:
Being confined and restricted
Dismissed or not taken seriously
Unjust criticism
Type: 8 - Active Controller
Trigger:
Being controlled
Others not being direct
Being blindsided
Underestimating their strength
Injustice
Type: 9 - Adaptive Peacemaker
Trigger:
Being in conflict
Receiving too many demands
Any rudeness in others
Feeling taken advantage of or feeling invisible
Not feeling connected
Which triggers resonate with you?
How do we remove the triggers and choose a different response? We can find how in this quote.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Victor Frankl (author of Man's Search for Meaning)
It's in the space between when we can change our pre-conditioned response to our trigger into an intentional response that will serve us well.
So if we can lengthen the space or the pause, we can give ourselves more time to make a better choice.
Once we're aware of unhelpful patterns, we can begin the work to go from blindly reacting to triggers to intentionally responding to situations.
Here are nine contemplative questions that can help lengthen the pause.
Type 1: How is not feeling perfect enough making me angry at myself?
Type 2: Why is appreciation important to me?
Type 3: What about appearing successful is so important to me?
Type 4: What is the story I create when I feel I could be missing out?
Type 5: Why do I believe I have limited energy to deal with unplanned situations?
Type 6: Why do my fearful projections paralyze me?
Type 7: What discomfort am I trying to avoid by escaping my commitments?
Type 8: What vulnerability do I feel when I don't get my way?
Type 9: Can I see the disruptions I create by avoiding standing up for myself?
You can also ask yourself any question that will help you create a new response. Anything that's going to help you realize your trigger, blindspots, and self-idealized image aren't serving you anymore and that can help you create a response that is serving you.
If you need a guide to help you develop into your best self through the lens of the Enneagram, Click here to go to my coaching page and fill out the form for a discovery session with me. and let's see if we're a great fit to work together so you can discover your path to transformation so you can stop hiding, show up fully yourself and fulfill your God-given purpose.