Podcast Episode 213 - Revolutionize Your Life With These 4 Tendencies - Part 3 Rebel
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Let me ask you, does someone “telling” you what to do, make you want to run the other way?
What about when you’re friend insists you should read “such and such” book?
Do you purpose never to pick it up if it killed you?
If your spouse asks you to do something more than once, do you label it as nagging?
Over the last two episodes, we’ve been talking about how we meet expectations. Both external expectations, like that project you promised you’d get done for your boss, and internal expectations, such as finally losing those last 10 pounds you’ve been promising yourself. We’re continuing with part 3 - Rebel Without a Cause.
Today is for you if…
If you answered yes to any or all of these, you, my friend, you just might be a rebel.
If you’re thinking, “You can’t call me a rebel!” Well, you’re most likely a rebel.
If you’re ready to really get what you want in life instead of repel it.
If you’re just joining us and you missed what these 4 Tendencies are, you can start with Podcast Episode 211 for the overview and 212 for all about the Obliger tendency.
In this episode, we’re digging into a tendency close to my heart.
My husband is a rebel 💕. And I knew it even before he took the Four Tendencies quiz.
So, let’s talk Rebels.
Rebels will rebel against both outer and inner expectations. Yes, even internal expectations.
I’ve seen this in my husband. He will create all these strategic systems of personal development or follow-up strategies for business. He’ll go along just fine and then suddenly say, “forget this!” And go in a completely different direction. For years he didn’t know why the Four Tendencies.
How can you make your Rebel Tendency work for you if you’re a Rebel?
1. Give Yourself Choices
Rebels like to choose their own path.
Rebels want to express themselves in their own way.
Rebels need freedom.
My husband does deliveries right now, not just because he has to but because it gives him freedom. He also works with five or six delivery apps, so he gives himself choices. He can do this delivery or that one. He gets to choose.
2. Remind Yourself of the Consequences
Weigh the consequences to help you make good choices.
Try listing the positives and negatives of your choice.
Or, try asking yourself, “What pain will each cause me if I don’t do it? What results do I want?”
Another great question you can try is, “Which would be easier?”
An example might be, “Do I sleep in and feel lethargic for the rest of the day, or do I get up early, exercise and then feel fully awake to take on the day?”
My husband regularly says to himself: “Pain is temporary–film is forever.”
This mantra reminds him to do what he may not want to do now.
Communicating with a Rebel:
First, if you’re married to a Rebel or have a Rebel child, don’t take their rebel tendency personally. It has nothing to do with you.
1. Rebels Need Choices
The key to communicating with a rebel is choices. If you back them into a corner with “should’s, have to’s and must do’s,” they’ll naturally go the opposite direction. But it’s not personal; they still can love you.
Here’s a personal example I’ve used for years with my rebel husband:
Bob takes the trash out for us. So, if the garbage is full, I will ask him to take out the trash this way, “Hey darling, sometime today, could you take the trash out?” Then I never mention it again. I mean that.
Notice, I also did not say now. I said sometime today. That gives him a choice on when.
Next, if the trash doesn’t make it out, I pull out another liner and start a new bag, depositing it next to the trash can.
What!? Yes, I do. Reminders are a surefire way to make sure the trash never makes it out.
Oh, and be sure there is no “attitude” attached when you do this. That’s the same thing as an expectation and a guaranteed way for the Rebel to rebel against this request.
Bob will, at some point, see the trash and remembers to take it out.
The job gets done, and peace remains in the home.
2. Lure a Rebel in With Curiosity
They say it’s easier to catch flies with honey. Use curiosity to intrigue them into wanting to do what you want them to do. Now, be careful you don’t do this to manipulate your Rebel to get what you want for selfish purposes.
When I read the 4 Tendencies the first time, I didn’t say, “Bob, you should take this test!!” Not if I want him to take it in my lifetime. No, I would make him curious with little teasers of what I was learning. Then I walked away, leaving him wanting more.
Later I would share another little teaser of what I was learning and then walk away. At one point, I mentioned the Rebel and said, “You might be a rebel,” but I didn’t say anything else about it. One day I got a text that said, “Yep, you’re right, I’m a rebel.”
Curiosity wins a rebel over faster than needs, musts and should. And it still gives them a choice to do something or not.
3. Rebels Need Consequences––Then Leave Them to Choose
State the consequences of their actions and then drop it.
Leave them to choose.
They’ll decide if the consequence is worth it or not.
We think our middle child is also a Rebel. So, we communicate differently with her than her Obliger brother and Questioner sister. We employ a lot of “do you want this or do you want that” choices.
We also present her with the consequences of those choices and leave it up to her to choose.
“Aubrey you can choose “this,” and this is the reward, or you can choose “that,” and this is the consequence. What would do you want?”
Then, we must follow through with the consequence if that’s what she decides.
Tightening the reins will only cause more rebellion.
Rebel Strengths:
Rebels take action because they choose to do it, unlike the Obliger, who tends to do something out of obligation.
Rebels can choose to do the right thing because they love the person they’re doing it for.
Rebels aren’t afraid of saying “no.” So, their calendar usually only has on it what they want to have on it. They typically don’t get as overwhelmed with external expectations because of this practice.
Rebels revel in and enjoy their individuality.
Rebels also gravitate towards challenges and choose to face them head-on, and they’ll do it in their own unique way.
As a Rebel, knowing your tendency can help you accomplish your internal and external expectations more effectively. And for us non-rebels, we now have some tools to communicate more effectively with our Rebel friends.
And, if you think you might be a rebel but want to know for sure, you can feel free to take the quiz if you wish by clicking here or skipping it altogether–you choose.
Homework:
If you’re a Rebel, I have a question for you. You can answer it if you want or leave us in the dark; we’re good either way. Just curious, how can non-rebels communicate more effectively with Rebels? Email me if you want to at hello@heatherbunch.com.
For us Non-Rebels, what is one thing you can try to communicate with the Rebel in your life better?
Next up, we’ll explore the uniqueness of the Upholder tendency. Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Four Tendencies, is an Upholder.
I’ll also put an animated video that shows the How to Relate to a Rebel Kid video by A Bunch On Disney (aka my hubby).